This one time, at the dentist, when I was on drugs...

K seriously. This is one of those blog posts that is completely worth reading.

To preface, I have terrible little teeth. I always have a cavity or something every time I go to see the dentist. A few months ago this was no different. I got a couple cavities filled and before they even started they ended up giving me some laughing gas to help me cope better with it all. I stress way too much having those drills in my mouth. So it helps relax me. I'm happier and my dentist is happier. K so, after getting my cavities filled though, one of my teeth was still bothering me. So I went back and my dentist determined I had a cracked tooth and I would need to get a crown.

Alright, so yesterday I was getting my crown done. I show up and they already have laughing gas ready for me because they know me too well. I get hooked up and going. From the beginning I could tell something was so weird with me. And I wanted to say something, but I couldn't. The internal conversation going on in my brain the entire time was what I would imagine a 7 year old experiences:

"Ohh pretty light. Wait, I probably shouldn't touch that. But I want to...but I shouldn't."

And then immediately my hand reaches up and grabs the light. Even though my mind was saying not to, my body was just doing it anyway. Same with when the nurse would ask me if I was doing alright, I kinda knew I wasn't, but immediately I would shake my head yes. Well I get my shot and the dentist starts working on me. All of the sudden I feel like I am about to black out. The best way I can explain what happens next is that my dentist turned into a sort of paper cartoon. He had no facial features, and he was kind of blobbish looking, but he didn't look 3 dimensional either. Then BOOM, the room went dark. At this point I was still very aware of what was going on. Again, my internal conversation:

"I think I just blacked out. But wait, my mouth is stuck open. I can't move! I CAN'T MOVE!!! Am I dead? I think I'm dying!!! Do something JaNae!!!"

Then my body starts shaking violently and at this point I think that I am having a seizure or a heart attack or something. BOOM, I Jolt upright and start screaming!!! (I'm thinking at this point some people think I'm joking, but I kid not, all of this happened). "AHHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH." Then I start hearing, "JaNae, what's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG!?" All the while, I'm kicking my legs and grabbing the mask off my face and tears are streaming down my face and I can hardly breathe. The dentist is trying to get me to calm down and breathe slowly and forcing me to lay back down. When I finally came to, the dentist asked what happened and I told him that I blacked out and I thought I was having a heart attack or seizure or something. I was seriously so freaked out at the time. Then we all started laughing (I seriously love my dentist). I asked him if I was shaking at any point and he said no but that sometimes laughing gas can act as a hallucinogen. And then:

"I think you got a little too much of that."

So then all is normal again and I finish up and I go out to schedule my follow up appointment. I asked the receptionist if she heard me screaming and she looked at me in a 'Who didn't?' sort of way and said:

"Oh ya, I definitely heard you, and so did the little girl in the waiting room. She looked terrified!"

I just started laughing. Seriously. It was the craziest, weirdest, funniest thing I think has ever happened to me in public. I think it would have been hilarious to watch it all go down. Also, I think it is hilarious that all these people heard a girl screaming at the dentist, since most people are already scared enough to go there.

Good times. And I get to go back in 2 weeks. Yay for me.

I also told myself not to take this picture. See how well that worked?

 This is just one of those experiences that reminds me why I will never, ever be addicted to drugs. It's more than I can handle. Plus, I am weird enough without them.

Our Cute 4 Month Old!

Disclaimer: Blogspot is ruining my blog. Hence why it looks so weird right now. I'm trying to fix it. But, ya know. We'll see if I end up liking this.

The title says it all. We have a 4 month old. It seems so much older than a 3 month old for some reason. There are just no words for how much we love this girl. Sometimes I stop and feel so bad that there are babies out there that aren't loved even half as much as Kinley. It honestly breaks my heart.

In the last month:

• Kinley has learned to roll over and now she does it all the time! We love it. We, obviously, are so proud of that little munchkin.
• She likes her walker and, surprisingly, can walk around in that thing. 
• She also has loved her bouncer and just seems to twist and twist and twist until it seems like it can't twist anymore. 
• She LOVES her little friend in the mirror. Seriously, if ever I run out of ways to entertain her I just bring her in the bathroom and let her mirror friend entertain her. It cracks me up watching her just smile at herself. 
• She is still sleeping through the night. She slept through the night every single night this month up until this week when she got sick. And still, for being sick, she slept like a champ. How did we get so lucky?!
• She is finally sleeping a little more consistently during the day. She usually takes just 2 naps. One of which lasts for 3 hours and the other that only lasts 1-1.5 hours. 
• We finally got her laugh on video, and we could watch that over and over again. Her laugh just makes my heart sing. 
• Her favorite toys are her octopus, winky lamb, dragon, and her little sock monkey she sleeps with at night. 
• We celebrated our 3rd anniversary and left her with my cousin. This was the first time she was babysat while we went and did something fun. That was hard. But when we got back she took one look at me and started on her saddest little sob yet. It was so funny and I just loved it. 
• Speaking of, her grandma was holding her the other day and she was watching me as I was walking around the room, as soon as I turned the corner and was out of sight she started crying. This girl loves her momma, and I'm NOT complaining about it. :)
• I must add, she also loves her daddy very much and busts into big fatty grins the second he walks in the door from work. 
• She has always tried getting her hand in her mouth and just plainly loves sucking. But this month, she has finally mastered getting her thumb in her mouth and she prefers that to a binky. We just can't stop it. So we will just have to roll with it. 

That's pretty much it. A lot. But for one week straight I was helping my momma clean her house, so Kinley didn't get quite as much attention as she is used to. Poor girl. Lol. My mom still tells me she got PLENTY of attention. She had 4 kids (All of which turned out amazing), so I trust her.

Sucking that thumb she loves so much!

Playing with her sock monkey.

Bandanas we found while cleaning my parents' home.

Hopping away.

They are cute on Sundays.

Growing!

Getting chubbier by the minute. Love that smile!!!

Hey teach! (Shout out for the teachers)

I was thinking, as I normally do, the other day about my education. Less about the things I've learned (although it does amount to a lot), and more about how I was as a student and the teachers that I had. For one, I think I have come a long way since preschool (HELLO!). I must say, I was a good little girl, but when it came to sitting down and paying attention, that was dang HARD (My teachers can attest to this)! I did not like to sit still, I did not like to raise my hand, and I loved to be the one that made kids laugh (Thank you 3rd grade "Class Clown" award. I also got it my Sr. Year). I didn't strive for good grades necessarily (although, I suppose I did just fine at that), I strove to make the kids laugh, being successful most times. As I got older, that changed a little as I matured, very little. This is really me straying. My focus was on the amazing and quite memorable teachers I have had through the years. Let's begin.

Elementary

• I think the first time I really loved a teacher was 5th grade. Ms. Watson! One of my besties, Danielle, and I were in the same class that year. You could say we may have been as obsessed with her as she was with Derek Jeter, made evident by the fact that we were still visiting her in her tiny little room even through our senior year in high school. I recall it was her first year teaching, and she just made everything awesome, from seeing whose paper structure could hold the most books, to the difference between there, their, and they're (and let's face it, some people still don't know the difference, so I am forever indebted to her). I loved school that year. I specifically remember one day during reading time, I actually raised my hand (a rarity), and to my surprise Ms. Watson stopped reading and turned to me and said, "Is this important?" My 10 yr old mind, of course, thought it was! And so I went on, and as I was bending my knee I said my important news, "My knee keeps cracking." Yup. I don't know how she didn't slap me right then (too many witnesses). But I believe she put up with my nonsense better than almost any teacher I can ever remember...especially for being just a child still. 

• The other one from elementary school was the music teacher we had. Mr. Hubachi (Spelling?). That man was HILARIOUS! He made playing instruments lots of fun. It also helped that he would pull me and Danielle out of class periodically to practice our unicycle routine for the choir show that year. He also bestowed to me a 6 ft unicycle. It is still one of my most prized possessions. It was this gift that allowed me to receive, time and time again, the attention that I so desperately craved. Haha. 

Jr. High

• Sucked. As I'm sure it did for almost every other person. So the teachers just probably weren't on my good side those 3 years. 

High School

• Mr. Clark. This man was an amazing broadcast teacher. He was the perfect kind of chill for any high schooler. I learned a lot, and had fun doing it. After graduation I went back and visited him several times. He was always so excited to see me and would brag about me to all his students. Who doesn't love somebody like that?! I think I loved most that he knew me personally. That always stood out to me.
• Ms. Neel. She was my freshman Spanish teacher. I know some Spanish still, so I would consider her efforts a success. I loved her, but I did not love Spanish. I wrote her weird notes that apparently, she saved in case I did something weird or threatened her life I guess? I was just a bizarre 9th grader. Forgive me. I swear she did not like me though (it wasn't until later I knew differently). She taught me to love hackey sac. I spent many of my lunches in her room playing hackey sac with several of my friends. It wasn't until she became my soccer coach senior year that I was told the truth. She told me I was her "2nd favorite student ever." TRUTH. Apparently there was only one she ever liked better. But she told me she would actually base lesson plans around me, according to what fun thing she thought I might be able to turn it into, or what crazy thing I would come up with in the process. I had no idea. But it just proved how smart she was. Instead of fighting my crazy obnoxiousness, she embraced it. 

College

• Brother Marsh. I don't know a single person that could have made the 1st and 2nd half of The Book of Mormon, and the New Testament (Why, yes,  I did take 3 classes from him) more interesting, funny, and spiritual. The guy was amazing, and I just plain old lucked out by getting him my freshman year. The other two times were not left to luck though. He only had 30-40 seats available in each class, and when those spots filled up for the next semester, you can bet I went to class the next day voicing my concerns about how small his class sizes were and how he was jipping a lot of people by not extending his class size. The next day, his classes had 100+ available spots. A teacher who listened to his students. What's not awesome about that?
• Dr. Coyne. I took Adolescent Development from her and loved it. Although I was quite shy and didn't say much in her class. It wasn't until I received my feedback for my end-of-the-semester-presentation that I was disappointed in myself... "Good job. You're funny JaNae!"  DANG IT! Why didn't I say more funny things?! Lol. Rest assured, when I took her Media class I was a lot more vocal. She always had something interesting to teach about. And I loved that she played into both sides of every issue. She really made her students see that everything isn't just black and white and we need to be a lot more aware as consumers of the media. This is a lady who loved what she was doing and it was apparent with every class. I think everyone should take her class. After a 1 on 1 conversation I had with her once I was honestly thinking about getting a master's degree. Who knows, maybe one day. 
• Dr. Nelson or Larry Nelson. Honestly, his first class I ever took from him, Child Development, I walked out thinking, "Who does this guy think he is?" Lol. Oh my mistake.  I ended up taking 2 more classes from him after this. He taught me so much! Mostly I'm grateful he taught me to work hard and that I can do hard things. He never accepted the text book answers to things and really made us think about the hard issues. He was very critical of our writing and expected a lot, which made it that much more meaningful when I got a good grade from him. I had my husband take his Proclamation to the Family class. I don't know how much he loved it (Not his forte), but often times something will come up in our day-to-day lives and Taylor will say, "Nelson said that!" or "Do you remember when Nelson said this?" So his teachings live on in our household. 

Needless to say, I've had some amazing teachers over the years. Sometimes I'm not sure if they know that they are remembered or that they truly made a difference for anyone. But these teachers taught me so much, gave me confidence in my abilities, and made me love learning. They helped wrangle my wild side, while also embracing my unique personality. They helped me grow and gave me stepping stones to help lift me to where I am today. They didn't just make a difference, they were all the difference. So thanks, just a few years late. 

 

And here's a good video for all. My title reminded me of this video from oh so long ago. 

Feelings

The only way I even know time is moving forward is because people are changing. Do you find that to be true too? I lost both my grandfathers in the same week. If death doesn't remind you that time is ticking away, I don't know what does. I also have a 3 month old baby girl that reminds me of this on a constant basis. I stare into her eyes and I can feel myself looking into the future. Is that crazy? Part of me can't see past the stage that she is in now, but the other part of me sees how different and how much older she looks from just 24 hours earlier, which only tells me she will never be like she is right this second ever again. Losing my grandfathers and having a newborn baby at the same time put me at the extremes of both ends of life all at once. I'm seeing the beginning and the end at the same time. It's seriously just the weirdest sensation. I'm mourning my loss and celebrating my gain, again, all at the same time. What's a person to do with all those feelings and emotions? 

Tonight, I held my baby. I couldn't put her in her crib and let her fall asleep on her own. Not because she needed me, but because I needed her. Sometimes I really struggle with my recent losses, but I like to think my grandfathers willingly passed knowing it would help me cherish my baby every single day. And I do. I really do. Somehow, I make it a point, and she makes it easy for me. Because she's small, and she's mine, and she'll never be this way ever again...and because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring. 

Newport Beach!

Let me start by stating the obvious (for those that know my parents), they are simply amazing. I love them. Every year they take the whole family to their time share in Newport Beach. I actually said their, funny because I swear we all act like it is "ours." Haha. I even told my parents this year that one time they should go just the two of them and get to spend some alone time together. Not only do they let us stay with them for free, but they also plan all the meals, do all the shopping for food, and all that they ask is that we help prepare the food a few nights out of the week. Again, love them. Thank you!

So we went to Newport, which was Kinley's first trip to California. We started with a quick overnighter at Taylor's parents' house to say hello until my parents arrived the next afternoon. Then we spent the first half of the week with my parents at the beach and the second half with Taylor's at their house. It's great to be with family, but by the time you have been gone 9 days, you are a bit sick of never having any time to yourself and you're ready to get home. There isn't really much to say about the trip, it was great. Kinley did SO well in the car. Wow. I seriously have such an easy baby, I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. She did well at the beach too. She just stayed in her little tent for a few hours while we boogie boarded and played some games in the sand. She also slept super well on the trip. Love her! She is always thinking of mommy ;) Haha. 

Again, not much to say, mostly because the fun can be portrayed in this video better. I made it to send to Dallin so I wouldn't have to attach a billion and a half pictures for him. It is a lot of Kinley because Meghan's family didn't get there until the night before we left. Enjoy my lil munchkins :)