Recently I have noticed my life is an absolute mess. Oddly enough I saw a major correlation with this and the fact that my husband was out of town. I think it not to be a coincidence. I was forgetting things left and right, losing things, and I was so incredibly emotional it was sickening. One night, I found myself in tears. I was sad. And it was actually kind of dumb. Don't you hate those times you are crying over something that really shouldn't matter but it totally and completely DOES?! Sometimes that just makes me cry harder. Anyway. This night of tears struck last Thursday. I just couldn't stand it any longer. I finally broke down...I was facing the reality that I was never going to get to play sports the way I used to. For some this sounds ridiculous, for others (Shoutout to Boyle) they completely understand. Imagine for some of you if you chopped off your hand or something and you were no longer allowed to sew, or your fingers broke in half and you couldn't draw/paint, or you're brain stopped working right and you couldn't compete in smartsy contests like Jeopardy. It would kill. That's how I feel. Despite not having played on a competitive sports team since High school, playing sports is my life. I have to be doing it. I honestly can't resist. It's just too plain hard. Anywho, I was in this fit of tears and couldn't stop and had no husband to put his arm around me and tell me all was well. Too much for a girl to handle right? Haha. Next day...I get a call from my Papa. "Grandpa isn't doing well. You will probably want to come say goodbye to him this weekend." SAY WHAT?! More tears. I love gramps. He's the sweetest little old man you'd ever meet. This was a great reality check, despite health and sport interests being wonderful for me, nothing has been of greater value to me than my family. I realized God was sending me a message that day. I did get to see my grandpa, and he actually is the toughest man ever...fought and pulled through! Monday I go in for Physical therapy. There is a little girl in there in a wheel chair with her mom talking with the doctor. It looks to me as if she has had a crippling disease since birth (Either that, or something big just happened leaving her paralyzed or something). She's crying periodically. I can just see the pain in her and her mom. The girl for herself, the mom in pain for her daughter who wishes her daughter didn't have to go through this. It was hard to see. And once again I realized God was telling me things could be a lot worse. I am grateful to be healthy and alive and to have wonderful WONDERFUL family members. While I wish everyday I could be out on the field kicking a ball, or beating Tay in racquetball ;) I am grateful God is looking out for me. Sometimes it is hard to be happy through the hard times and not to wish they were taken away. Every time my mind wants to go there I have to fight back and remind myself that there have been so many blessings in my life since I have torn my ACL! It's amazing. So I could never wish for it to be taken away because the pain is completely overshadowed by God's gifts. I love it/hate it...but mostly I love it.
I hope everyone is seeing God's hands especially through their trials.
Love you all! :)
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